Hey there! My name is Gabriel. I also go by Falin, or Teddie, or Paintbrush. If you're curious, 3/4 of those names were taken directly from fictional characters, while one is based off of the name of Kasane Teto's genderbent derivative. You can call me whichever one floats your boat the most. My pronouns are mainly he/it/hym, and I also use neopronouns, those being mew/byte/chi(mera)/angel/void. I'm a weird genderfucked dykeguy creature thing, that likes to do all sorts of random bullshit on the internet, mainly coding and posting art, amongst other miscellaneous things. This is the page where I will pointlessly ramble about myself for an eternity.
I'm both a man and woman at the same time, but I lean very heavily on presenting myself as a man and masculine, since I feel alot comfortable with myself that way. I like women, and due to being partially a woman myself, I consider my attraction to be lesbian/sapphic. Although I'm well aware of the controversy surrounding the label, I would consider myself to be a lesboy, since that's the best way for me to describe my experience as a heavily masc-presenting multigender lesbian. I find queer discourse to be incredibly fucking stupid and it does absolutely nothing to help the queer community. It only gives our oppressors what they want, which is seeing our community be divided and torn apart. I have zero interest in debating people about whether or not my identity is valid, so if that's what you're here for, feel free to see yourself out! Alongside all of that, I'm also butch, xenogender, objectum, and fictosexual/romantic. I know I'm somewhere on the asexual and aromantic spectrums, but I honestly can't be assed to figure that part of my sexuality out at this point. I crave love and intimacy but the way I feel those things towards anyone in particular is a forever a mystery. I am transmasculine since I do see myself primarily as a guy, but I still am other genders alongside that.
I'm the host of an OSDD-1b system. I'm a multisourced fictive (or splitroject) within said system, as well as alterhuman and fictionkin! I have way too many sources and kins to list here, so those will be own their own seperate page. Some might've already been made obvious my names as well as my site's themeing though. I'm the head of this fucked up operation and definitely extremely mentally stable and well-adjusted (biggest fucking lie of all time). We're not diagnosed yet nor do we have the inner-workings of our brain or way of functioning fully figured out, but I can say without too extreme of a doubt that we exist. Other alters might mess around on the site on occassion but it's mostly just me here a majority of the time. We don't have a solid collective identity but if you're referring to us as a collective, it's okay to just call us Gabriel. As for things we ARE diagnosed with, that would be ADHD, autism, clinical depression and possible psychosis. There's other shit I wonder about possibly having as well but I won't list those here for comfortability's sake.
Just like pretty much everyone else who runs their own personal website, I created this site as a way of escaping from the horrors of mainstream social media and the corporate web. I've always looked to the internet as a form of escapism. I didn't have the greatest childhood and connecting with my peers was never exactly easy. People were always quick to judge and treat me differently purely because I didn't fit into their definition of "normal", and I could never really find anyone that I could see as genuine friend of mine. That's why early on, I gravitated towards the internet as a means of connecting with people and expressing myself. I grew up with unsupervised internet access exploring pretty much every corner of the web that was available to me. As much as I've always loved being on the internet, it of course has had its negative affect on me in numerous ways. I've still found myself struggling to connect with others even online, because they honestly aren't any less judgemental than they are offline. Social media has always found a reason to punish me, whether that was for enjoying my interests too much, having the wrong interests, being autistic in the wrong way, being queer in the wrong way, being mentally ill in the wrong way, simply just being any of those things to begin with, having strong opinions on many topics, the list goes on. I've pretty much never been able to find a space where I didn't still fear being judged or attacked simply for being me. That's why the idea of making my own personal website appealled to me, because I don't have to please anyone here. I can have a space all to myself where I can say and do whatever I want without any shitty algorithms or fear of people raising their pitchforks at me. I can even customize it however I want to be a true representation of who I am. To me, that's the greatest form of self-expression.
I'm not a professional coder by any means. It's something I picked up purely for fun because I love having my own little pages online that I can do whatever the fuck I want with. This site also exists purely for my own enjoyment. I learned a bit of HTML/CSS from messing around with custom profile themes on Tumblr, and then eventually from making tons of "about me" pages on Stellular/Bundlrs since Carrd was boring and exhausting for me to use, and I didn't like how little I was able to do with Rentry (that metadata shit they added as a method of customization makes no sense to me). I also like Neospring for how customizable it is through CSS. I like customizing things and making them my own. Now I'm using all my knowledge and combining it to make this silly little website. I do use templates since I don't have enough knowledge to code things completely from scratch all by myself, but I'll keep learning as much I can, even if everything here is virtually useless to other people. As long as I'm having fun, that's all that really matters to me.
Personality wise, I'm not exactly sure how I would describe myself. I'm not much of a social person, I kind of just exist. I stick mainly to just talking to my close friend circle since interacting with other people is not my strong point. I care deeply for those close to me and would take a bullet for them any day. I'm a bit of a fuck up when it comes to handling relationships of all kinds but I still do whatever I can to show the people in my life that they mean a lot to me. I'm not good at expressing my emotions without being percieved as "aggressive" or "confrontational". I'm very passionate about my interests and what I stand for and I'm usually not afraid to give my opinions on things. I have a lot of stories to tell and can be at least somewhat interesting to talk to if I actually know what to talk about. I try to make the most of my life in whatever way I can and push foward despite the grim state of the world and everything I've been through. I'm a mess of a being struggling to get his life in order and have spent a majority of my life in front of a computer screen. I'd personally describe myself as the cartoon that was forcefully cancelled by the network airing it before it was able to reach a satisfying conclusion, but I'm open to other interpretations.
That's all I really have to say about myself for now. I might add more to this page later, but I wanna do other things too. Interests, quiz results and Mayura are to the left, links and other shit are to the right. Thanks for reading!
